Who I am
by Bacca
Summary: Dee tells a little about herself


Who I am

The characters belongs to BSG

Unlike Cally and many others, I did not join the military to get an education, or employment. I joined because I wanted something to believe in and I did.

It was easy to join the military as enlisted personnel. After all, I am a Sagittarion. Who is going to question me about my education? As far as I can pass the enlisted test that's all that matters. We all know how they feel about us. A Sagittarion joining the officer corp….the paperwork it would require! Who would believe an educated Sagittarion?

So, my military record showed that I graduated from high school, but the fact is I actually graduated high school at 15 and started SU at 16. I finished all the requirements for a Bachelors degree in 3 years and father suggested that I apply to graduate school so I could get my masters then come and join the family business. We owed the mining rights to one of the biggest ore deposit on our planet; subsequently, the biggest supplier for the military

All the Dualla clan is involved in the family business, so it was only natural that I, too, would be expected to join the group.

The problem is I didn't want to leave school and go immediately into the family business. I felt like I wanted to experience more out of life. We were not super rich, but we were comfortable. I had the best life had to offer but as a rule we lived very simple lives.

Any way, when I told my father that I wanted to join the military because I want something to believe in, something more than making the family richer you could imagine his reaction. You would have thought I told him I wanted to marry a Caprican.

I have never seen Father so angry. I even tried bargaining with him that I would only do one tour of duty, after that I would finish my masters; then, take my place in the family business. Oh no! He was livid. He went so far as to call a family conference. The entire clan was there. Everyone had something to say. When they couldn't persuade me to change my mind, they gave up and went home. Later the next morning, Father and I had some bitter words to say to each other before I left for duty. I was angry, he was angry. Mom just shook her head at the two of us. She always said me and Dad were too much alike. Stubborn and opinionated!

I knew sooner or later he would come around. Mom was working on him. We knew how he could be, so I was hoping by the time my next shore leave came around he would be more receptive to the whole idea and we could move on.

Not in all my dreams would I expect that what we all feared would actually happen, but it did. The Cyclons attacked. My home, my parents, my entire family, all gone…..In one frightening moment, I lost everything, everyone.

I found myself on a ship full of strangers fighting for our lives, our very existence. I don't know how we manage, but we did. We clung to each other for warmth, comfort, and eventually we became a family, disjointed, yes, but a family.

It's been three years since we have been out here in space running from the Cyclons. Hardships, we have faced many-deaths, love, marriage oppression under Cyclons rule, you name it we experienced it. Oh yes, we have had our share of trouble.

Ironically, I married a Caprican. I can just hear Father, (I guess I couldn't use the term "turning in his grave" since the dead can't bury the dead) in the after-life shaking his head and saying "I don't believe it. She did it again. Bad enough she ran off and join the military, but to marry a Caprican?"

So, to hear that Cally actually said that that I got my promotion because I am married to Lee has really pissed me off. Sometimes people say things without knowing the whole story.

Well, I know lot of people have questions about who I am and why I do the things I do so let me try and answer them for you.

First, I am Anastasia Dualla. Yes, I am a Sagittarion.

I am straight forwarded and pragmatic, but that's how I was raised. If you think I am bad, you should see the other women in my family. I am a pussy cat compared to them. Some may even say I was born with a silver spoon in my mouth, but let me just say, it's a spoon I was responsible for cleaning myself.

Second, I am not ashamed to tell you that the women in my family are beautiful, and the men handsome. Beautiful does not mean submissive and docile. Hmm…, grandmother from my father's side of the family has a mouth on her. She could make a grown man cry and never say a cuss word. Grandmother, from mother's side of the family was no better. Even the grandfathers used to shut up when those two start. I missed them so.

Third, you want to know about my marriage. Yes, I married a man from Caprica named Lee Adama. We have been married for about a year and a half. When he asked me to marry him I said yes immediately. Well, I did not have a family to consider, or having to explain my decision to. I like him, He is attractive, and he is rather virile. Grandmother believed that any man who can keep up with a Dualla woman is worth keeping, of course only if he is Sagittation.

I won't bore you about the cousin who ran off and marry a man who was not Sagittation, what a scandal. They still talk about it, and they have been married for over twenty years.

"Sorry I got off track, I was talking about my decision to marry Lee".

What can I say? It was a spur of the moment thing. Haven't you ever make spur of the moment decision? The truth is the marriage pool is not what it could be, so Lee was better than most. If the truth be told, I would have chosen Felix, but he is such a stickler for the rules, plus he wanted to be the Presidential aide. I can't blame him he was trying to carve out a future for himself.

I keep getting off track. I had my doubts about Lee's motive for wanting to marry me because of Lee's history with Kara, but since Kara was married and was living planet side, I said yes. Don't get me wrong, I loved him, so saying yes did not mean that I went into this blindly, or that I was a love sick puppy. I knew what I was getting into, but like everything else in life, I took a chance.

Look at the situation we are in. We take love wherever we can get it. It may last for a day or it may last a lifetime…who knows. The grandmothers would say "when life serves you lemons, make lemonade". I used to laugh and shake my head at their "little sayings" but now I understand. I am trying to make lemonade with little or no sugar-the fleet is out of sugar.

The wedding was sweet and sad. From the day I was born, my wedding day was planned out. The grandmothers again. The dress, the shoes, flowers, everything was planned, maybe even the groom. So, on my wedding day it was bitter sweet for me. I was relatively happy to marry Lee, but I couldn't deny the deep ache inside me because they were not there to share my special day with me. Oh gods, I missed them!

When we got out of the raptor, he was standing right there. Immediately my eyes went straight to him and we looked at each other. One look at me and he knew exactly how I was feeling. Felix gave me a faint smile and a nod. I drew strength from him and smiled at the crowd. Inside, I was trembling because I was scared and wondering if I made the right decision, and could I live with the decision. I needed my family but Felix was the closest thing that I had.

The wedding went of without a hitch, and so did the reception. I drank a little too much. It was my way of dulling the pain. Felix danced with me and the only thing he said to me was "you are a survivor, you will make it". He never say congratulations or have a good life, he just said those words. Did I tell you I was holding on to him for dear life, yes I was. Sometimes, I think Felix knows me a little too much.

Our life on the Pegasus had its ups and down. There were good days and there were some very challenging ones. I watched a man who I thought was strong and brave turned into something I hardly recognized, but I made a commitment.

It was one of the loneliness times for me. After the attack, I had Felix and Billy, now I had no one to turn to. I tried to make the best of it, but it was not easy. I learned to keep it all in. There were times when life was so unbearable because of the loneliness that I would go in the head, stuff a towel in my mouth and just scream until I would scream no more. Where can you run when there is no place to run? Where can you hide when there is no place to hide?

During my time on the Pegasus, I found that I had strength that I never imagined I had. Those lessons and stories those old ladies taught me were coming back to me and I was drawing strength from them. After all, I am Anastasia Dualla! From a long line of Duallas, and we do not just lie down and die. I was going to make the best out of this situation, and so I did.

The Cyclons returned and we had to run for our lives. I was determined to live. Failure was not an option. The fleet decided to coordinate rescue of the civilians on New Caprica. Lee was being an ass. So, I did what I had to do and tell him about himself. I could hear the cheer from the grandmothers, maybe Dad too.

To make a long story short, we rescued the people from NC and the Pegasus was destroyed in the process. We returned to Gallactica and tried to pick up our lives. It was not easy. Problems we thought we left behind began to resurface itself.

Imagine my humiliation when Kara and Lee made a spectacle of themselves in front of the entire fleet. I was livid. I saw my shame reflected in Felix's eyes, and that made it even more embarrassing for me. I felt like I wanted to just die, right there, but I survived. That night I hang out with Felix. He didn't say anything, just held me in his arms.

After the boxing incident, Lee began spending more and more time away from our quarters. I hardly see him, and for other things, well, never mind. Nothing was going on. I was not a happy camper. The breaking point came when we were on a mission planet side and Lee ordered me to risk my life for Kara.

This was work, so I did my job. I was livid. When I landed the raptor, and helped Kara out, I saw Lee and Sam. Kara ran to Sam and Lee came and embraced me. Maybe from your perspective it looked like he cared, but from mine, I wanted to do what Aunt Doria would have done, and that is kicked his sorry ass. Sometimes, I wished I was more like the women in my family.

After that little display at being "the caring husband" I pushed him away and proceeded to the showers because I was scheduled for CIC. After taking a much needed shower, I went in search for Felix. We talked for awhile and I felt better. I know that I cannot go on like this, so I ask Felix if I would bunk with him for a few days because I needed to think.

Well, its Felix, he is not going to say no. I think he is glad for the company.

The next day Lee and I had it out. I told him I knew about him and Kara and I sure as hell would not put up with his behavior anymore and that if he wanted to be with Kara, then I would not stand in his way. You know what? I was so pissed that I did not give a frak what he did or say at that moment. By the way, don't' get a Dualla woman mad at you. If you are a man, you might lose a ball or two, at least that's what I hear.

I swear I could hear the grandmothers say "what took you so long, did we raise a complete idiot?"

Fourth, why did I decide to give him a second chance?

Let me see if I can answer this one. (1) I love him, (2) I made a commitment, (3) everyone deserved a second chance, (4) sometimes, we have to take the road less traveled-it is harder to stay and work it out versus throwing in the towel, (5) Duallas are not quitters, (6) because I can just see them shaking their head and saying "she married a Caprican", (7) finally, he made a choice when he was free to go.

We are still running, still trying to make whatever life we can make for ourselves amidst unusual circumstances. I will do the best that I can to see my marriage work, but if it doesn't, please don't feel sorry for this girl. She will survive, especially when Felix Gaeta is right there willing and waiting. Of course, I have seen him watching me when he thinks I am not watching. Mother did not raise a fool and neither did the grandmothers!

By the way it would be interesting to see how my story ends. You see, I know that I have many critics, but let me just say. What would you have done in my place?

Please read and review.


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